Domestic violence awareness: Q&A with gunshot survivor Kate Ranta

(Kate Ranta is a former high school athlete, mother of two, and contributing writer to Glory Days Magazine. In November 2012, she became a victim of domestic violence when her estranged husband violated a restraining order and shot Kate and her father in front of her 4-year-old son at their residence in Florida. Glory Days Magazine publisher Dave O’Sullivan recently talked with Kate about her recovery, why she has been on a crusade to end domestic violence, and the message she is trying to get across to young people everywhere.) Sully: Now that it’s been two years, where are you at in the recovery process and how much does it still affect you? Ranta: I am a lot further along two years later than I was one year later. I was a mess last year, especially the days leading up to the one-year anniversary. But now, I can tell I’m a lot stronger. I’m not focused on the date as much, and I think a big part of that is all the speaking out I’ve been doing. Sully: Where do you think the national conscience is in terms of domestic violence? From what you’ve seen is it better than it was or is there still a lot of work to be done? Ranta: We have way, way too much work to do. I’ve been speaking out about this since it happened. I’ve been ‘in the fight’ as they say, and something that I’ve noticed is that nobody really wanted to talk about it and then the Ray Rice thing happened and that really shined a spotlight on domestic violence. The media was covering it a lot more than they had in years. If it’s that new to being covered nationally we obviously have a lot of work to do. But from being on social media, the consciousness of people is still pretty appalling, and that’s sad. There is a lot of victim-blaming. Why doesn’t she just leave? Just clearly not understanding abuse and everything that goes into it. It’s not just as simple as leaving. Ray Rice’s wife was basically skewered in the media and on social media for marrying him after he hit her. I can’t explain what goes on in her mind and in her relationship, but it’s clear that she’s in the abuse cycle. Sully: Where did you initially find the strength to start speaking out. It was such a horrific event, was there a certain day when you said, hey, I have to speak out against this? Kate Ranta, a former New Jersey high school athlete, was shot twice by her estranged husband in November 2012. She has since become an outspoken advocate of domestic violence awareness and has helped start a non-profit organization called WAVE – Women Against the Violence Epidemic. (Photo courtesy of Joe Quint) Ranta: No. The shooting happened and while I was in the hospital a couple of good friends of mine started my Facebook page. They were posting pictures and updates about how I was doing in the hospital within the first three days. When I got home, I took over the page. I don’t know that it was a ‘I’m pissed and I’m going to speak out about this and raise awareness’ moment. I wasn’t at that point. I just knew somewhere inside of me that I didn’t want to be quiet about this. He did this to us, and I wasn’t going to hide in the shadows about it anymore. I wanted to share my recovery and my experience with other people as part of my own healing process. Sully: How do you get people to understand how traumatic these types of things can be, not only for people like yourself, but also for your young son? Ranta: That’s a hard question. I don’t really know. In all honesty, I don’t know if people haven’t been through something at least similar, it’s very difficult for people to put themselves in other people’s shoes, especially something this complicated. By sharing my inner thoughts and very personal experiences about things he did and said to me, and also sharing things my son has said, that has made an impact. Sully: How important is it to get this message out to high school students? They are at the age when they starting adult relationships. How important is that for you to get your message across to the next generation? Ranta: Critical. Mission: critical. This is the absolute most important age that they hear this message. It’s difficult with teenagers because they think they are invincible and they think people don’t know what they go through. It’s the age when they are starting to date and get into adult relationships and they have to realize that not everybody has good intentions. Raising awareness with young people is one of my biggest goals. Sully: How difficult is it for you to talk about this? A lot of people wouldn’t want to keep reliving those nightmares. How do you find the strength to continue to talk about it? Ranta: I’m not going to lie. I’ve recently reached a burnout point where I needed a little break from talking about it. That lasted maybe five days. I think, for me, I’ve always been an outspoken and opinionated person. I’ve approached this as, this shouldn’t happen to anybody but if it had to happen to me I’m going to be loud about it and I’m not going to stop. The encouragement I get from others keeps me going. I just spoke to a young woman who stumbled across my page and got the courage to leave her abusive husband. I can’t even explain how intense that is, to know my words and the activism I’m doing had a direct impact on somebody’s life and gave a woman the strength to get out. And she’s pressing charges. It’s not just that she got out, but she’s moving forward to hold this guy accountable for what he did. She told me it’s directly because of what I’m doing, and that’s the stuff that keeps me going. Is it difficult to talk about it all the time? Of course. But I think it’s too important for me to say, ‘I’m OK. It’s just a thing that happened.’ I’m never going to be the person I was before, but I’m going to make something good of it and I’m going to help people. (Photo courtesy of Joe Quint. Check out his work at facebook.com/joequint.photographer) Sully: If you had a room full of high school students, what would your message be? What would you tell them? Ranta: It’s easy if it’s girls. I guess I would talk about the importance of healthy relationships. It goes both ways, for boys, too, because girls can be abusive as well. I would focus on emotional abuse because abuse is more than just physical. Nobody of either gender should be putting their hands in an aggressive way on anybody you are in a relationship with. However, there is such a thing as emotional abuse. If the person you are dating is trying to isolate you and keep you from your friends and family members, and is blowing up your phone with texts and calls and wanting to know where you are at all times, if they are showing extreme jealousy and trying to control who you talk to, what you are wearing. All of those things are not cute. For a boy, oh she must just love me so much that she wants to know where I am at all times. For a girl, he just wants me all to himself. That’s not healthy. Teenagers, you’re supposed to have a healthy social life and have a lot of friends. You shouldn’t be spending all of your time with the person you are dating. The idea of understanding what a healthy relationship is and staying true to yourself and the things you enjoy doing, that’s the most important thing. Sully: What do you think it will take on a national level to get this problem, if it can’t be solved, at least not as prevalent as it is today? Ranta: I think awareness with young people is where it starts. That’s why
it’s a big goal of mine. I really believe that awareness when kids are young is where it starts. How are kids supposed to know about healthy relationships, and the things that make unhealthy relationships, if nobody is talking to them about it and we are tip-toeing around this issue? Kids have to have the tools and information to understand what is right and what is not right in relationships. Raising awareness among young people is a big key to hopefully stopping this.