It is well known that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Many sports teams may be wearing pink socks or sweat bands to raise awareness. But listen up, guys. October is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The reason I want you to listen so closely to me is this: I know about it firsthand. Last November, I was shot twice by my ex-husband in front of our 4-year-old son. We’re very lucky to be alive, and it’s important to understand this can happen to anyone. I’m from an educated family, grew up in Forked River, N.J., was an honor student, played sports, participated in clubs, graduated from college. But, unfortunately, I met and married a guy who turned out to be abusive. There were signs from the beginning, but I didn’t have the awareness of abuse to realize what was happening. It’s important to me that young women are given the knowledge they need to recognize signs of abusive behavior. But, it’s also important to me that guys understand what is considered abusive behavior … and that they don’t do it! Domestic Violence Comes in Many Forms Did you know that 1-in-4 women will experience domestic violence in her life? That could be your mother, your sister, or other female rantaDVpicture copy (for web)family members or friends. Domestic violence can affect anyone regardless of race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to people of all socio-economic backgrounds and education levels. So, at some point in your life, chances are a female you know and love could be abused by a man. And it comes in many forms. It’s more than when a guy smacks a girl around. The following is a list of actions that are considered abusive, and many overlap with each other: Physical violence: This includes hitting/punching, pushing/shoving, grabbing, biting/scratching, restraining, shaking, choking, burning, forcing drug/alcohol use, and assault with a weapon. Physical violence can cause serious injuries that need medical attention. Sometimes it can cause death, depending on how brutal the attack was and/or if a weapon was used. Becoming physically abusive in any way with a woman is unacceptable. Always think about how you’d feel if a guy pushed your mother or hit your sister. Sexual violence: This happens when an abuser forces a victim to have sexual contact of any kind, and it also includes rape and sexual harassment. Guys, this is a big one. It’s not okay to force a girl to have sex with you. Ever. It doesn’t matter if she has led you on. It doesn’t matter if you’ve started fooling around and she changes her mind. When a girl says “no” she means it. Back off, show respect and be mature about the situation. Psychological/emotional/verbal abuse: An abuser uses intimidation, threats of harm and isolation to control his victim. He may make the victim feel afraid through threatening behavior, which can include: — Texting her excessively and getting mad if she doesn’t respond immediately — Telling her how she should look and generally what she can and can’t do — Insulting her, calling her names, belittling her in public and private — Embarrassing her on social media — Stopping her from seeing her friends and family — Breaking property or abusing pets — Saying he will commit suicide if she breaks up with him — Making her feel guilty if she doesn’t consent to having sex — Telling her it’s her fault for making him behave this way This form of abuse can be very subtle; victims may not even realize they are actually in an abusive relationship. These controlling behaviors become “normal” to the victim. However, nobody should have to live under these conditions. That’s not love. It’s abuse. Economic abuse: This is when an abuser tries to make his victim financially dependent on him as a means of control. Examples are preventing or forbidding her from working or gaining an education, controlling financial resources, and not allowing her to have access to economic resources. What You Can Do Here’s what I’m asking from coaches and players. There is an organization called Founding Fathers (http://www.founding-fathers.org/), a group of men who are working in partnership with women to create a new kind of society — one in which violence is no longer part of the human condition. The group asks men of all ages to sign its Declaration, one that vows to end violence against women by teaching younger generations of boys that there is no room in society for abuse. This is where you come in. Founding Fathers created a “Coaching Boys into Men Playbook.” The Playbook is intended to help coaches educate their players about domestic violence. (Here is an exerpt from the playbook) This is not to say that athletes are more prone to violence than non-athletes, but as powerful leaders in schools and society, athletes can help affect change by understanding and representing core values of respect. Every coach is in a position that allows him to directly influence the attitudes of his athletes and to help eliminate the disrespectful perceptions of women and girls that are at the heart of this tragic problem. The purpose of this Playbook is to provide you with coaching tips, advice and useful anecdotes from great coaches and players to help you take this issue head on. Would you do me a favor? Download the Playbook at http://www.founding-fathers.org/content/files/become_cbim_coachesplaybook.pdf and give it to your coach? Tell him that it’s Domestic Violence Awareness Month and it would be great if you guys learned about the issue and signed the Declaration. You have a chance to make a big difference on a very important issue. Help end domestic violence today! Kate Ranta writes about issues that affect teenagers and their parents, athletically, socially and personally. She was born and raised in Forked River, Ocean County. A graduate of Lacey Township High School, she earned her B.A. degree in English from Franklin & Marshall College in Lancaster, Pa. She has been in the editorial field with a focus on health and wellness for nearly 20 years. To correspond with Kate, or suggest a topic you might like to see her write about, email publisher Dave O’Sullivan: sully@acglorydays.com.